The Ninja Devil with the Mouth
by megatronus89
Summary: "Hey YOU! Yes you the one you thinks he is skipping this fic, get over here and read this fanfic. Now let me tell you something i am Naruto 'Wade Wilson' Uzumaki. The reincarnated naruto stuck in Deadpool's body... yeah... sounds messed up right? Now what happen was i was brought back from death after Wade got his head chopped by Rias Germory. So blame Lawrence Helmbain."
1. Chapter 1

'yo, you're probably wondering why i am talking to ya ne?' Came a cheerful voice from within the mind of a masked man. 'Well i guess you could say i know things. Like how all you little brat are just sitting there reading this on your phones, laptops, or PCs. But let get somethings straight. I, being the masked masked man, and not, i repeat! Not, Megatonus89, who in fact is *&amp;*$&amp;$ &amp;$ &amp;#$*... da'hell? Why can i say his name?...'

(AN: fat chance od that happening.)

'Awww! No fair!'

-an: great back to the story or i swear to which ever god or anceint being that created you, i will delete this story thus erasing your existence. Comprendà?-

'Fine, dumbass author. Always take away my fun.' Said the now sulking teen. 'Ok lets start with... the day i was reborn...'

-40 years ago-

Blood, lots of blood. His own blood seeping from the large gash in his neck nearly taking it clean off. This was how Wade Wilson was dying, he thought he had a healing factor, but it turned out that Stryker was being a limp dick asshole and turned it off. he felt sorry for his friend logan, being shot in the head with an Adamantium bullet, not once but twice. Oh he hate to feel that nasty headache... but his neck was killing him... hehe get it?

Poor SilverFox, she was such a hotty, only to die thanks to that genophobic asswipe. man he would hate to be Stryker, the number one rule about dealing with highly dangerous mutants like logan, well number one is dont kick him in the balls, but after that is down harm his woman. You are just asking for a claw punch to your balls.

By now, he could see the world fade into dark oblivion, until a shimmer of red was seen. that amazing beauty, damn if he was twenty years younger and back in high school, he would be over her in an instant.

He watch as she reached into her blouse, like fishing for something between her overly developed melons. To pull out... a chess piece? If his vocal cords still worked he would have sworn profanities that would make a sailor blush. That was until he saw that damn piece start to glow in an almost ominous red color.

"Rise from your brink of death, you will serve me as my loyal Rook. To protect and guard me from those that will wish harm on my person. I am Rias Germory, heiress to the Germory clan. You will be reborn as a devil. Stronger, faster then you have ever been before." The redhead teen looking girl said.

Just as his world fade to darkness, he felt a pull. Not just any pull a pull in his own soul.

-mind scape-

Standing alone in a blacked out world, in only those red pants and bare chest, Wade could say he was freaked out.

"My is this what's i have become, A bald old man that had his mouth sewn shut?" Came a younger voice, almost like a teenagers.

Turning to see a kid, looked to be a American/Japanese, blonde hair, blue eyes, tan skin... kinda like himself back when he was a ... kid. 'Damn please, dont be a spirit of one of my one kids from a one night stand.'

"the hell i am, i am Naruto Uzumaki, i am you... kinda, short version i could come up with is that Kami or God, not your Christian god, but the actual god, felt that i had to come back and fix some things, but i could come back as myself, so he made me take the body of my new self, in other words you go to heaven, and i take your place in this world. Your memories will be come mine, and i gain your personality traits... sadly. So we, you, I, us become one. And blah blah blah." Said the blonde teen. "Oh another thing that girl... hear older then you think too. Me? I am way way older. By few hundred thousand years. So what's it gonna be?"

"... tell me first what is the definition of insanity?" Wade asked the kid in front of him.

"Hmmm insanity... to do the something once and giving up and trying something new. If it doesn't work the first time, keep at until something does happen."

"Ha! Kid, you are just like me, or is it I'm just like you... papa?" Wade said with a humorous tone, as a wide grin made its way across his face.

"papa? Well fuck you sonny. Enjoy the afterlife." Naruto said as world they were in slowly changed, and Wade faded away.

-reality-

Azure blue eyes opened up only to look into Ocean blue eyes. The look of amazement in those eyes was breath taking.

Knowing in advance that his 30-some year old body reverted into a teenagers, Naruto Wade Wilson Uzumaki felt the need to make his first act in the world of the living memorable.

-SLAP!-

"hehe so totally worth it." Said the now bodiless head as it rolled away from his body. "Hey red, mind giving me a hand, or a foot, maybe your pelvis? Ow! Ok, no need to kick a man when he is down... or is it a head?"

"You are a sickening, piece of filth. Why did i bother saving you?" The young girl said in a scathing tone.

"Hey, you needed me, think of it a man that can't be killed, that could easily anger your enemies, and..." was what the head said before Rias watched it crawled towards his body using his tongue and quite a long one at that. "And damn near immortal."

"Your head is on backwards."

"Uh?" Looking down Naruto could see his own ass. "Hey, i have a pretty damn good looking ass. Welp, gotta fix this... this gonna be killer for my chiropractor."

In one sooth bone crunch second, Rias was mostly grossed out by the fact that the now rejuvenate man before her snapped his neck and twisted it around until it was facing forward.

"Eh eh, that tinged. So sweetcheeks, tell me. Why did ya resurrect me?" Naruto said as he felt the bones in his neck begin to set and heal.

"To make you a member of my peerage, you are my second peices so far." The red head said as she finally took notice of how the boy looked, (young blond Ryan Reynolds, with Naruto's whisker markings) she had to admit he did look rather handsome.

"Really who is the first?" He asked stretching his limbs.

"My queen, Akeno Hiroshima, and you are...?"

"Well before i was brought back to life, i was Wade Wilson, but now you can call me Naruto Uzumaki, it would work better." He said in such away that it was clear to Rias that it was dropped. "So what needs to be done?"

"Nothing as of now, but i need you enjoy your new gifts, i will come for you in forty years time. So enjoy your abilities." Rias said as she disappear in a funny looking circle.

"Weird girl that one. I wonder if i would be meeting anymore?" He said looking around only to notice he was still standing in the ruins of the island. "damn... let see... how did he transport again?"

-zip-

Standing over five hundred feet in the air, blond looks over.

"Megatronus, you are a fucken bastaaaaaaaaaaaard!"

-end-


	2. Chapter 2

"Well lets see here who should have learned to keep there mouths shut?" Said man in a red back with a black diamond pattern over his eyes with small white eye-holes, slapping his hand with a crowbar. "Was it you, Mr. "The blade of the world"? Well sorry if Megatronus here has a damn auto correct that is not accustomed to Japanese, or perhaps it was you, Dragon Blazed-X... you NNNNEEEEEEERRRD. or maybe it was you."

Turning to the last person tied to a chair.

"Why did you have to bring them into this? They were innocent i tell you! Why did you have to bring the Chimichangas into this. UrCrazyStalker911, you have no heart, have you no soul if you bring them into this." Said the weeping man as he dried the falling tears. "Well... if you proceed with the acts of villainy, i will kill you all of like i did in Earth-12610, got that bub?... did i just pull a logan? Haha awesome well let get back to the story."

Accidentally presses the self-destruct button.

"Oops... well catch ya guys later or... maybe not."

-KAAAABOOOOM!-

"I CAN FLY! ... no i can't..." falls to the ground at incredible speeds. "I am gonna dieee!... wait i can't die, ooh~ this is gonna hurt. Kids and people that have queasy stomachs please skip a head until i say other-"

Blood and gore painted the asphalt, in a crimson red pulp. With a single arm that survived the fall without becoming paste reached up and grabbed his smeared head.

"Look Ma!" Said the smashed face of muscle, bones, and blood. "I'm roadkill! Hahaha!"

Pushing himself up onto his still regenerating legs, naruto felt all the pin pricks of his bones snapping back together.

"well, good news is i lived... bad news is... i lived." Said the man as he stood up on his feet. Cracking his back joints back into place. "Damn i would hate to have seen my medical bill."

-disillusion scenario-

Opens a letter from Medical insurance company.

"Holy damn... hey is than a decimal?" Deadpool asked the writer.

(AN: Comma.)

"whoa! thats alot of chimichangas." He said before fainting.

-reality-

"Yeah best not think of that again." Naruto said with a shiver. Looking around he found himself in the Rockies of Canada? "What the fuck am i doing here again?"

(AN: -facepalm- you are going to escort logan to japan, as you were hired to do so.)

"Wait a minute, last chapter i was still on that damn island, when and how did i get here?"

(It has been almost forty years. I just transported you when you made that jump in the first chapter. You have been living life as a mercenary, traveling to exotic locations, meeting new interesting people... and killing them... most, if not all of the time. Today you are hired to escort and protect logan aka wolverine. Btw he just past you and is going to that bar down the street.)

"Ooh, wait what?" Turning around naruto seen a shaggy looking man that would have passed off as Grizzly Adams' younger brother. "No fucken way... hey, he looks pissed. Ooooo i get to see sharp and pointy things."

Pulling back his mask to reveal the same young looking face had gotten from his resurrection by his 'king'. "time to find some trouble... wait it finds me."

Walking into the bar, naruto had a large grin in his face as he watched logan stab a guys hand to a bar table, with a crossbow arrow. "Still the unlikable badass."

"Logan! Buddy!" Naruto said as he walked toward the short Canadian, with his arms spread wide for a hug, only to get three adamantium claw just millimeters from his face. "Hey, hey! Watch were you put those things. You could poke someone's eye out. Not mine of course, but still the reason still stands."

"Listen bub, i don't know who you are, but you better just walk away." Said the augmented mutant in a low growl.

"what you dont remember me? Man those adamantium bullets really fucked you up uh?" Naruto said as his shoulders slumped, to everyone they just saw him vanished from his spot, to a corner table with a few empty bottles of beer. "He doesn't remember me... all the fun we had, all the lives we taken and ruined. its all that damn Stryker's fault!"

To see this relatively young man cry about man the previous atmosphere about a guy killing a bear with illegal posion darts, to this guy in a red and black hoody sulking in the corner like someone killed his dog.

"Oh, i almost forgot, logan some old japanese guy asked me to take ya to him something about repaying you." The guy said as he jumped across the bar standing were he once was again.

"Bud, dont you ever shut up?"

"Not when i'm awake." Said the younger man with a grin on his face. "You we might wanna leave now, the plain i... borrowed is only gonna wait for an hour or so."

This got the almost immortal mutant's attention, which lead him to eye the younger man with narrowed suspicion.

"Welp." Jumping on the tips of his toes in excitement. "Wanna have fun for old times sake?"

Drawing out a pair of short swords, which by the glint of the metal logan could tell they were made from the very same metal his bones and claws were made from... Adamantium.

"Slice and dice, makes everything Nice!" Naruto yelled out as stabbed Logan throw the back and disappeared with him to the runway of an airport.

-on the plane-

"You know you didnt have to take my head off." Said the slightly annoyed teen. "Or... MY ARM!"

Logan gave a coy smirk at the teen mercenary, who was shacking his severed arm at the grizzly looking man, which surprisingly pointed its finger at him as the owner waved it around.

"What ya gonna do bub?" Logan said with a grunted laugh.

with a twitching of his brow, naruto could only glare at him.

"I am sooo going to enjoy putting a bullet into that metal skull of yours." Said the merc as he puts his arm back on. "You know that was the second... or made the thousand and second time, you cut my head or limb off. It is getting pretty damn old."

Logan glanced over to his new companion.

"i feel like i should put my claws through your throat." Came a deadpan retort.

"Yeah you, and everyone else from weapon X. Like Maverick, Silverfox, Omega Red... and who was that other bastard... Nicky? No. Vicky?... no... oh oh! Victor Creed." Naruto said as he looked over to logan whose claws shot out fast as it had before. "Sabertoo-urk!"

Finding three claws logged in his throat. Naruto could only give a cocky smirk.

"Wh-what's the M-matter jimmy. Hit a nerve?"

"how do you know him?"

"Granny nails? Simple we were all part of the same team. Mutant hunters and killers to kill off our own kind. Pretty fucken sick, uh?" the blond said as he removed Logan's claws from his neck. "Wanna know the fucked up part? they tried to clone you!... fucked up 22 times until they thought of something else. Why clone you when they can clone your daughter."

"I ain't got kids dumbass."

"I never said your actual daughter was born now did I? After all, you and foxy sure had some long Alone~ time. To bad she didnt live after getting an adamantium bullet to the back and into the heart for your dumb fucken ass." the younger man said as he wiped the blood from his neck. "X-23, that is her code name and actual name. Her biological mother and father are you and silverfox. Had she lived she would have been born. And she would be about 39. But since she's a clone she is only 18. And she hates you. I mean we all hate you. But she reallly~! Hates you."

Flopping down in the chair, shock was all he could feel. He only had glimpse of a woman. Her Carmel skin, Long raven hair, and beautiful green eyes. But to know he had a daughter... a clone of his deceased unborn child.

"Where is she?" Came a low and threatening tone from the Canadian born mutant.

"Safe. In one of my old hide outs." Naruto said seriously, before pulling out a photo. "This is her... After getting her cleaned up. I named her Laura Kinney, after a woman who raised her before the sick fucks made her kill her."

Logan felt with heavy heart while looking at the photo of the young woman. She looked just like her mother... "Kayla."

"Yeah she may look like her mother. But she acts like you. Poor kid, they did to her what you went through... the bonding process." naruto said as he poured himself a class of rum. "She was only 12 at the time and she got a different from of adamantium... adamantium Mk-beta. It would actually allows her to grow until she is in her twenties then it would solidify and become just as hard and durable as your metal bones."

"Those bastards." Logan all but growled.

"Dont worry they had a few... mishaps. From yours truly. Serves them right if you ask me." Finishing off the glass of rum. "Oh... i would like to point out she. May or may not try and find me..."

"Why is that bub?"

"Umm... you you believe me if i said she had a thing for unkillable merc with a mouth and enjoys the horizontal tango?" Naruto said with a nervous laugh only to port out of the plane, before Logan's claws sank into the chair he sat in.

-out side-

"You know porting out of the plane while still in flight wasnt the best of ideas." The merc with the mouth said as he crossed his arms and was standing in a thinking pose. "Yeah not he best idea."

"MOOOOMMMMMIIIEEEEEE!" Yelled th blond before turning to the readers.

"I would like to point out, that Kamikaze parachuting is both dumb and highly dangerous and should not be attempted. Unless you have a healing factor like i do."

(A/N: you do know you might become a bloody stain on the streets below right?)

"Yep."

(An: and if you live logan is going to gut you like a fish once he finds you, for banging his daughter, right?)

"Yeah, but she does this awesome thing with her tongue and those claws, damn that is getting me soo fucken har-"

(Well... this will take a while. umm... thanks for reading folks. Next chapter will be DxD related... after i put his poor SOB back together... again.)

"I blame you! Lawrence Helmbain. For sending Megatronus this damn challenge!"


End file.
